Secret Life...

The res a reason why its called the secret life. Cause everyone does have 3 lives..
Sometimes the secret life a person has can ruin there private life and public life.
Secret lives are meant to stay hidden even to those you trust the most. You may be looked at differently and thought of in a different way.
But what do you do when your secret life is now out in the open and has been found out?
What do you when your secret life now interferes with your normal life?
When now everything clashes?
Theres no hiding or running. Theres no avoiding it now. You just have to deal.
Yes that secret life was so bad that you couldn't even tell the ones you loved about it. It was shameful and disappointing. That secret life destroyed you on the inside. That secret life has burdened you. Leaving you with nothing but emotionally scars that will not go away..
But yet now you feel sort of relived in knowing its not a secret anymore. Sort of relived that you have it off your chest. But now that its out in the open you feel worse. Ashamed.
So which was better not knowing about the secret life ?
VS.
Knowing about the secret life?
If you ask me I say it was better not knowing cause the things that are running in your mind wouldn't be there. The things that you are not thinking now you would not be thinking them.
But I just hope you know even in living that life I love you with all my heart. Doesn't matter what I do and how I do it at the end of the day my heart will always belong to you and I will always love you and be in love with you.

Is Love Enough?

In a relationship theres:
Communication
Trust
Respect
Love
But what do you do when communication is not really there
Respect is all gone
Trust is destroyed
And love is what your surviving on?
They say love is enough to keep 2 people together to works things out. They say love is all you need and the rest will go into place.
We have been through so much but yet look at where we are now. Things are not the same. We argue so much, fight so much, but yet we still have our good moments. The love is there, and it is enough to keep us together. We got the love we just have to work on the other 3 components.  I want to work things out, I know you do too, but will it be worked out?
It seems like day by day we slide apart slowly from each other. We used to be able to talk 8 hours in a row non-stop and now its like we don't say much to each other.
Some people would have said "Its too late". but its never too late for us or will it be?
All I know is time is ticking and flying by.
All I know is that I love you and you love me.
All I know love is enough to keep us together and fix this relationship...
*Te Amo*

Death

Death- The act of dying; the end of life; the total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions of an organism.

Everyone has to die sometime in this life. Nobody was born to be here forever. I know I wasn't..

I'm terrified of dying. The thought of it makes me cry, makes me sad and depressed.
I'm scared to wonder what will happen to you once I'm gone..
I see you going down the wrong path. I see you doing things you shouldn't.
I worry about you so much.
Whats are you going to do when I'm not there to motivate you no more?
What are you going to do when I'm not there to tell you to
"Go to school on time"
"Don't cut class"
"Do your work"
"Study"
"Do the right thing"
"Think about the future"?
What are you going to do with yourself? How are you going to end up?  You have so much potential that your putting to waste. Its like you got your priorities fucked up.
I wonder where you will go in life.
I worry about what you will do, cause if you don't care about yourself then who will about you?
When I pass on I wanna know your ok.
I want to die in peace.
Im also afraid of what will happen to my family.
Will they care that Im gone?
Will it matter to them?
But then the thing I wonder the most is how soon will I die?
Will it be in the next hour?
Will it be tomorrow?
Will it be 5 years from now?
A week from now?
I never know when that time will come. Will I have completed everything I needed to complete before leaving?
Will I leave unfinished buisness?
These are all things that I worry about, questions I ask, questions I wonder, things I wonder.
But someone once told me everyone has a purpose in life and once they have forfilled that purpose there time here is done. So I'm guessing when I have completed all thatI had to is when I will leave? Is that how things work? No one knows how the angel of death works.
Time is ticking..
Are you doing what you need to be doing?
Are you doing what you would like to be doing?
I'll leave you on this note...

Live everyday as if it was your last...
Cause remenber Tomorrow is not promised to you.

Physical Abuse or Verbal Abuse?

Which would you rather go through Physical abuse? or Verbal Abuse?
Which one would you rather go through? I know weird question Im asking, but think about it.
Physical abuse is abuse involving contact intended to cause feelings of intimidation, pain, injury, or other physical suffering or bodily harm.
Verbal abuse (also called reviling) is a form of abusive behavior involving the use of language. It is a form of profanity that can occur with or without the use of expletives. While oral communication is the most common form of verbal abuse, it includes abusive words in written form.
Whats the difference between the both? Everyone says they hurt the same.
But really they don't. One hurts alot more then the other.
Physical pain may hurt, yes there will be scars, yes there will be blood and cuts, but they all heal and the pain stops and goes away.
Verbal abuse...that one takes a while to heal, sometimes it can last for a whole lifetime. The pain will always be there. The words will always go through your mind. They will replay over and over again.
I know I rather feel it on the outside. I rather feel the physical pain. I rather feel the cuts, the bruises the hits, then suffer years and years and years of pain from verbal abuse. At least I know that the pain of a cut or bruise will go away. The pain of words could last forever.
The pain of words can hurt so much and so deep...
It will never go away....
The words live in your mind, your heart, and memory.
So tell me now which would you rather feel
Physical Abuse?
or
Verbal Abuse?

A smile can fool many....An attitude can fool all

A smile can fool many....
An attitude can fool many...
She has been able to fool many. She can't fake a smile. Fake an attitude.
What do you do when your whole world falls apart?
What do you do when things change?
What do you do when nothing is the same no more?
What do you do when you feel so all alone?
Ill tell you what she does she fakes a smile...a laugh...a happy attitude...
She shows the whole world that she is ok, when really deep down inside shes broken into little pieces...
She torn, ripped, just broken. Filled with hurt, pain, and fear yet she projects to the whole world that she is ok. That she is wonderful, that she is awesome.
That is what she does.
Her smile has fooled many. Her attitude has fooled all.
But how can long can she keep that act going until she really breaks down?
How long till she can't hold it in no more and everything goes bad?
Remenber there is only so much a person can take, but what is her limits?
Everyone has limits...but what more will take till she snaps?
Cause I will tell you something she is breaking slowly...
She is snapping slowyly...What will be the ultimate thing that will complete that break?

Angel not so Angelic

I know I haven't been a complete angel. I started as good as can be....
I was good a complete angel...
Then I turned into a little demon and not in a good way either.....
I made promises which I ended breaking...
Im filled with regrets....
I broke your heart...I did shit I shouldn't have done....
The girl who was considered an angel is not so angelic...
Commited revenge when I shouldn't have...
Lies....distrust...
And where has those lies and distrust gotten me?
No where....

I know this is my fault...
I know the once Angelic girl messed it up....
And Im sorry....

Regrets....

People say they regert alot of things in life.They have made choices that they don't later agree with. They have maybe gone out with people that may have been a bad choice. So they seem to regret things. But why regret them if they made you happy? Why regeret them if they once made you smile? Isn't that what people say? When people make choices they don't sometimes think about the outcome of the choice they are making. When people make choices they sometimes do not think about how it is going to affect the future. Then later on in life these choices haunt a person which cause them to feel regret. At the present time when your making a choice it seems like the best thing to do. It seems right, feels right, when maybe in reality it isnt right. Which is why regret comes into play. Regret. Many people have felt regret. Many people are probably feeling that right now. As for me, I know I have regrets. Everyone has them. If a person says they don't have any then Im sure they are lying. Everyone regrets at least one thing in their life. Cause not every decision a person makes will always be right. Which is why some people will have the feeling of regret. When your feeling that regret you think about what you should have done. You think about the what if's if you done things differently... What if I have done this then maybe this would have happened. Of if I had done that. that wouldn't have happened.
Sometimes regret can eat a person alive. I know it has to me. I know to some people it is right now. Regret is a very power feeling. But the thing is we shouldn't let it overpower us or let it cross our thoughts or dictate how we feel. We are gonna feel regret cause we are human. But instead of regretting we should take it as a learning experience. We learn from our mistakes...We learn from our choices. Sometimes those choices that we once made that now we regret sometimes makes us who we are. So instead of regretting we need to start learning from them.